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[Kilian]
The triplets are starting to spend more time with the other children living nearby. I'm not sure what they do, exactly. There's no running around or anything, just talking and scribbling on pieces of paper, like they're collaborating on some project. It's as if they're starting school early. I bet they'd much prefer playing with me. I'm definitely more fun than some pieces of paper.
The triplets are starting to spend more time with the other children living nearby. I'm not sure what they do, exactly. There's no running around or anything, just talking and scribbling on pieces of paper, like they're collaborating on some project. It's as if they're starting school early. I bet they'd much prefer playing with me. I'm definitely more fun than some pieces of paper.
[Filter: Private ; Kilian]
That was ... nice.
I guess I needed that. A reminder of why I've been staying up late at night, and why I wake up feeling exhausted. Why I have to scan ridiculously old books for any hint of how to both succeed and keep my head attached to my neck. Why I have to trace complicated runes over and over in my head, until I'm sure every stroke is in its correct place. I'm doing all of that so that she can be that person I see when we're out on our silly little picnics, a person she doesn't have to lock away when Desmund isn't here.
It's not a bad motivator.
That was ... nice.
I guess I needed that. A reminder of why I've been staying up late at night, and why I wake up feeling exhausted. Why I have to scan ridiculously old books for any hint of how to both succeed and keep my head attached to my neck. Why I have to trace complicated runes over and over in my head, until I'm sure every stroke is in its correct place. I'm doing all of that so that she can be that person I see when we're out on our silly little picnics, a person she doesn't have to lock away when Desmund isn't here.
It's not a bad motivator.
[Filter: Private]
It's weird. I feel kind of ... guilty about leaving my work behind. I feel like I should be back there, doing research, burying myself in the archives, or just experimenting. Never mind that I would have been blissfully unproductive if I continued working, but still. I just can't shake that feeling off.
This research is starting to feel like part of my life, isn't it. And Erin's just been proved right. Again. Definitely not telling her about this. She's going to gloat forever.
It's weird. I feel kind of ... guilty about leaving my work behind. I feel like I should be back there, doing research, burying myself in the archives, or just experimenting. Never mind that I would have been blissfully unproductive if I continued working, but still. I just can't shake that feeling off.
This research is starting to feel like part of my life, isn't it. And Erin's just been proved right. Again. Definitely not telling her about this. She's going to gloat forever.
[Filter: Private ; Kilian]
And a few days of leave granted, just like that. I guess Desmund is just relieved all that's changed about me lately is that I haven't been quite my usual chirpy self. Neala actually said that was a good thing. So nice to know she cares. At least I can keep up with the triplets now.
Still, I don't think Desmund is expecting me to take a complete break. We did put that mouse in stasis for a minute, just like he said, though I'll have to trust him that it did. It just looked less panicked for a minute, to me. No, he's going to expect me to sustain it. When a minute long effect was draining enough.
If all of this was just for me, I really would have quit already.
[Filter: Erin ; Kilian]
So, I thought I should point out, in case you haven't noticed, that I'm not bleeding out of my eyes. Or curled up in constant pain. Lucky for you, huh?
[Filter: Aurnia ; Kilian]
Guess who got some days away from work?
And a few days of leave granted, just like that. I guess Desmund is just relieved all that's changed about me lately is that I haven't been quite my usual chirpy self. Neala actually said that was a good thing. So nice to know she cares. At least I can keep up with the triplets now.
Still, I don't think Desmund is expecting me to take a complete break. We did put that mouse in stasis for a minute, just like he said, though I'll have to trust him that it did. It just looked less panicked for a minute, to me. No, he's going to expect me to sustain it. When a minute long effect was draining enough.
If all of this was just for me, I really would have quit already.
[Filter: Erin ; Kilian]
So, I thought I should point out, in case you haven't noticed, that I'm not bleeding out of my eyes. Or curled up in constant pain. Lucky for you, huh?
[Filter: Aurnia ; Kilian]
Guess who got some days away from work?
[Filter: Private ; Kilian]
You know, it's pretty terrible that instead of being annoyed at how damn tired I am all the time, I'm thinking that at least I'm not suffering from some incurable itch, or bleeding out of my eyes. How do people make progress with magic research when you can barely lift a finger for a few days afterwards, or die a slow, painful death after a complex incantation no one's tried before? Even being wrong could mean facing something worse than death.
This place must burn through a lot of people. It's kind of scary.
[Filter: Aurnia ; Kilian]
Hey, er, sorry I haven't been visiting. I've been ... busy. I guess you must be busy too, with your new lessons and all.
You know, it's pretty terrible that instead of being annoyed at how damn tired I am all the time, I'm thinking that at least I'm not suffering from some incurable itch, or bleeding out of my eyes. How do people make progress with magic research when you can barely lift a finger for a few days afterwards, or die a slow, painful death after a complex incantation no one's tried before? Even being wrong could mean facing something worse than death.
This place must burn through a lot of people. It's kind of scary.
[Filter: Aurnia ; Kilian]
Hey, er, sorry I haven't been visiting. I've been ... busy. I guess you must be busy too, with your new lessons and all.
[Filter: Private ; Kilian]
He really thinks we can do it. Not for long, and not exactly how I proposed, but it's something he's satisfied with. It's something he thinks will work.
Dragons.
I don't know why ... I mean, it's progress, isn't it? I should be pleased I'm not stuck in some theoretical crevasse. But I'm not looking forward to tomorrow. What is this, nerves? Am I worried that I'll make a mistake? That I'll disappoint him or something?
I guess maybe I'm kind of scared.
[Filter: Erin ; Kilian]
So. I want to ask you something.
He really thinks we can do it. Not for long, and not exactly how I proposed, but it's something he's satisfied with. It's something he thinks will work.
Dragons.
I don't know why ... I mean, it's progress, isn't it? I should be pleased I'm not stuck in some theoretical crevasse. But I'm not looking forward to tomorrow. What is this, nerves? Am I worried that I'll make a mistake? That I'll disappoint him or something?
I guess maybe I'm kind of scared.
[Filter: Erin ; Kilian]
So. I want to ask you something.
[Filter: Private ; Kilian]
Desmund wants us to have another attempt at this incantation. He thinks we're getting close to achieving stasis for a minute. Somehow, that sounds incredibly optimistic, considering that the last attempt ended with no result other than me sleeping for three days because of the strain. How can he tell if we're getting close anyway?
It just sounds impossible. Why did I think I could do this?
And then there's ... I'd really like to know how Desmund knows this man who has been hanging round his home like a bad smell. Maybe that'll convince me that there's nothing to worry about.
[Filter: Aurnia ; Kilian]
So. Your tutor. What's he like?
Desmund wants us to have another attempt at this incantation. He thinks we're getting close to achieving stasis for a minute. Somehow, that sounds incredibly optimistic, considering that the last attempt ended with no result other than me sleeping for three days because of the strain. How can he tell if we're getting close anyway?
It just sounds impossible. Why did I think I could do this?
And then there's ... I'd really like to know how Desmund knows this man who has been hanging round his home like a bad smell. Maybe that'll convince me that there's nothing to worry about.
[Filter: Aurnia ; Kilian]
So. Your tutor. What's he like?
[Filter: Private ; Kilian]
A tutor, huh.
It's good for her to meet new people. Someone who isn't me, or Desmund, or her stepmother. She needs that. Someone else that can tell her what the world beyond her manor is like. I can't be that all the time, not when I've got work to do. Desmund expects big things from me. I can't explain how that happened, but I must've impressed him somehow since he came back. Maybe it's the work I've been doing to take my mind off everything that's been happening. Erin will be so proud when I tell her the reason why I've been focused on research lately is because I don't want to think about her going on her suicide assignment.
A tutor. Desmund better pick someone decent.
A tutor, huh.
It's good for her to meet new people. Someone who isn't me, or Desmund, or her stepmother. She needs that. Someone else that can tell her what the world beyond her manor is like. I can't be that all the time, not when I've got work to do. Desmund expects big things from me. I can't explain how that happened, but I must've impressed him somehow since he came back. Maybe it's the work I've been doing to take my mind off everything that's been happening. Erin will be so proud when I tell her the reason why I've been focused on research lately is because I don't want to think about her going on her suicide assignment.
A tutor. Desmund better pick someone decent.
[Filter: Kilians ; in Kilian]
I don't know if anyone is going to believe this, because I don't know if I do either, but I've had multiple people from all over willing to swear by the Clerics' names that they saw it. A dragon flying away from the Citadel. Not just any old dragon you'd see in the street, a Dragon, with a capital D. The kind you hear about in old stories from your grandmother, ripped right from a book of myths. The tales get more exaggerated the more people I ask, but they all have the dragon in common. It was huge, apparently. Some people even said it was majestic. Ugh, of all the days to be stuck inside.
I don't know if anyone is going to believe this, because I don't know if I do either, but I've had multiple people from all over willing to swear by the Clerics' names that they saw it. A dragon flying away from the Citadel. Not just any old dragon you'd see in the street, a Dragon, with a capital D. The kind you hear about in old stories from your grandmother, ripped right from a book of myths. The tales get more exaggerated the more people I ask, but they all have the dragon in common. It was huge, apparently. Some people even said it was majestic. Ugh, of all the days to be stuck inside.
[Kilian]
So, despite my best efforts and still being too young for it, the triplets are excited about school. They've been asking things like what you learn, and do I know who will be teaching them and who will be going to school with them? Tthen they pretend that they're in school. Usually, Edara's the teacher. I tell them that it's not much of a school with only two students, but that doesn't stop them from trying. And then they try to get me to play with them. As a student.
I don't think I'm Edara's favourite person right now. My relationships with teachers remain poor.
So, despite my best efforts and still being too young for it, the triplets are excited about school. They've been asking things like what you learn, and do I know who will be teaching them and who will be going to school with them? Tthen they pretend that they're in school. Usually, Edara's the teacher. I tell them that it's not much of a school with only two students, but that doesn't stop them from trying. And then they try to get me to play with them. As a student.
I don't think I'm Edara's favourite person right now. My relationships with teachers remain poor.
[Filter: Private ; Kilian]
Another year.
Dragons, Liam, keep it together. Children can be freakishly perceptive. Especially that Deirdre. Erin really bought these presents for them. She would have, I guess, except they would be less fun and more educational, like teach them how to draw runes or something. They don't know that about her, though, so I guess they wouldn't be able to tell that Mother and Father and I pooled some coins together to buy their presents.
Hope they like the presents too. I spent more time than I should have looking for them.
[Filter: Erin ; Kilian]
Hey. Happy Festival.
Another year.
Dragons, Liam, keep it together. Children can be freakishly perceptive. Especially that Deirdre. Erin really bought these presents for them. She would have, I guess, except they would be less fun and more educational, like teach them how to draw runes or something. They don't know that about her, though, so I guess they wouldn't be able to tell that Mother and Father and I pooled some coins together to buy their presents.
Hope they like the presents too. I spent more time than I should have looking for them.
[Filter: Erin ; Kilian]
Hey. Happy Festival.
[Filter: Private ; Kilian]
And there she goes.
Nobody seems to think twice about it. Oh sure, they're going to wonder at the sense of the temporary leader of our research group going off to retrieve the usual leader who is recuperating at home after being attacked by Dragons knows what. Maybe they'll even think about it for five minutes. After that, they'll shrug and get back to concentrating on their own work. I'm this close to wishing I was like everyone else. If I could concentrate on working without thinking of, say, Erin deciding that no, she would rather put herself in danger again than be safely home, I'd be a lot more productive.
I can't believe Nealla actually went. Maybe she thinks she can deal with whatever hurt Desmund. That'd be a sight to see, tiny, mousy Nealla against a mysterious assailant. But I think I know why she's gone. Dragons, Desmund. What did you do to have women falling over themselves for you like this?
And there she goes.
Nobody seems to think twice about it. Oh sure, they're going to wonder at the sense of the temporary leader of our research group going off to retrieve the usual leader who is recuperating at home after being attacked by Dragons knows what. Maybe they'll even think about it for five minutes. After that, they'll shrug and get back to concentrating on their own work. I'm this close to wishing I was like everyone else. If I could concentrate on working without thinking of, say, Erin deciding that no, she would rather put herself in danger again than be safely home, I'd be a lot more productive.
I can't believe Nealla actually went. Maybe she thinks she can deal with whatever hurt Desmund. That'd be a sight to see, tiny, mousy Nealla against a mysterious assailant. But I think I know why she's gone. Dragons, Desmund. What did you do to have women falling over themselves for you like this?
[Filter: Private ; Kilian]
So, what do I do. What can I do? I can't tell if Aurnia's worrying too much or exactly how hurt Desmund is. The best thing would be to let him stay home, despite him sounding like he'll drag himself to Taln if he has to, but then, here's Nealla, wanting him back here as soon as he's able, even though she can't spare anyone. I'm actually praying that she doesn't decide to sacrifice one for the cause and sends me. That's going to be awkward. Not telling Aurnia that I work for her father becomes an increasingly bad decision with every passing month. Somehow, I don't think she's going to take me neglecting to tell her about that all too well. Then she might expect something I might not be able to give. And if I can't, she's going to be disappointed, and I'm going to feel like crap.
Ugh. Right. First, don't attract Nealla's attention. Don't annoy her. Somehow convince her that we don't need Desmund back right now, and he can fully recover from his injuries in the comfort of his own home.
This means a lot of hard work from me, doesn't it.
Dragons, my life was much less complicated when I was just dealing with my own problems. When I even had them.
So, what do I do. What can I do? I can't tell if Aurnia's worrying too much or exactly how hurt Desmund is. The best thing would be to let him stay home, despite him sounding like he'll drag himself to Taln if he has to, but then, here's Nealla, wanting him back here as soon as he's able, even though she can't spare anyone. I'm actually praying that she doesn't decide to sacrifice one for the cause and sends me. That's going to be awkward. Not telling Aurnia that I work for her father becomes an increasingly bad decision with every passing month. Somehow, I don't think she's going to take me neglecting to tell her about that all too well. Then she might expect something I might not be able to give. And if I can't, she's going to be disappointed, and I'm going to feel like crap.
Ugh. Right. First, don't attract Nealla's attention. Don't annoy her. Somehow convince her that we don't need Desmund back right now, and he can fully recover from his injuries in the comfort of his own home.
This means a lot of hard work from me, doesn't it.
Dragons, my life was much less complicated when I was just dealing with my own problems. When I even had them.
[Filter: Private ; Kilian]
And there's the letter I was waiting for.
Nealla is a lot more testy about it than I thought she would be. Of course she's not happy about Desmund being hurt, but she's more worried about how Desmund is than how long she's meant to run everything here without him or why he's injured in the first place. I guess to most people here, he's more than just our research leader. I guess I don't know him well enough to tell.
Weird, isn't it. I know a lot about him, but what he's like ... I haven't figured that out for myself.
[Filter: Erin ; Kilian]
So.
I'm still worried about you, you know.
And there's the letter I was waiting for.
Nealla is a lot more testy about it than I thought she would be. Of course she's not happy about Desmund being hurt, but she's more worried about how Desmund is than how long she's meant to run everything here without him or why he's injured in the first place. I guess to most people here, he's more than just our research leader. I guess I don't know him well enough to tell.
Weird, isn't it. I know a lot about him, but what he's like ... I haven't figured that out for myself.
[Filter: Erin ; Kilian]
So.
I'm still worried about you, you know.
[Filter: Private ; Kilian]
This is the part that's going to be so much fun. First I had Aurnia wondering what her father's so busy with in Taln, and not being able to tell her that the reason why he's been away from her for so long was because of my procrastinating. And now there's Nealla, wondering where Desmund is, and I can't exactly say, oh, he's been attacked by someone who may have been after his research. That's going to go down really well.
It's news that's going to come this way soon, I guess. Better practice looking surprised, somehow, between all this work I've been set.
This is the part that's going to be so much fun. First I had Aurnia wondering what her father's so busy with in Taln, and not being able to tell her that the reason why he's been away from her for so long was because of my procrastinating. And now there's Nealla, wondering where Desmund is, and I can't exactly say, oh, he's been attacked by someone who may have been after his research. That's going to go down really well.
It's news that's going to come this way soon, I guess. Better practice looking surprised, somehow, between all this work I've been set.
[Filter: Private ; Kilian]
Ugh, I don't know. Since when did everything get so complicated? Since when did I start overthinking everything? Okay, my sister being pursued by mysterious assassins on the other side of the continent is a justified cause of concern. Being nervous about your supervisor not being back from a trip home, on the other hand, is not. I'm supposed to be relishing the fact that I'm not going to find him right behind me when I decide to take a nap for ten minutes. I'm supposed to want him to stay home. Not just for me.
I don't think I've even taken a ten minute nap since Nealla's been in charge. Just because she hasn't got a life other than doing research doesn't mean that I can't have one too. "Stop daydreaming," she tells me, and I can't even tell her that I'm not daydreaming, I'm thinking about how Erin's turned her back on her highly classified mission.
[Filter: Aurnia ; Kilian]
So, er, how's everything with you and your father?
Ugh, I don't know. Since when did everything get so complicated? Since when did I start overthinking everything? Okay, my sister being pursued by mysterious assassins on the other side of the continent is a justified cause of concern. Being nervous about your supervisor not being back from a trip home, on the other hand, is not. I'm supposed to be relishing the fact that I'm not going to find him right behind me when I decide to take a nap for ten minutes. I'm supposed to want him to stay home. Not just for me.
I don't think I've even taken a ten minute nap since Nealla's been in charge. Just because she hasn't got a life other than doing research doesn't mean that I can't have one too. "Stop daydreaming," she tells me, and I can't even tell her that I'm not daydreaming, I'm thinking about how Erin's turned her back on her highly classified mission.
[Filter: Aurnia ; Kilian]
So, er, how's everything with you and your father?
