Liam

[Filter: Private ; Killian]

Damn it.

Neala's actually been asking why I haven't been focused lately, as if I've been focused enough at some point for her to notice. And it's so tempting to just let it all spill out. That my sister's gone on some mysterious, impossible, dangerous mission for years and she's not expecting to ever come back. That she left behind three children for me and my parents to take care of, parents that should be enjoying whatever old people do, which doesn't include chasing toddlers around. That her children might just grow up resenting her and hating her, and while I'd like to prevent all of that, I'm not sure, Erin, I'm not sure how when you're making it so dragonsdamned easy.

And that's not even the end of it! No, what would really be nice is if Desmund could just go home for once! For a day, or even an hour! Long enough for him to catch his stupid bitch of a wife and his even stupider friend together and stop Aurnia from trying something stupid. What makes it worse that I could just tell him about his wife having an affair. Showing him exactly what kind of person he married is what I'm here for, isn't it? But this plan didn't count on me being too damn scared of opening my mouth for once in my life. Because ...

Because Aurnia could be wrong. Because she's lonely and scared and hates her stepmother and feels betrayed by a person she thought was on her side. And because ... if I tell Desmund, I'd have to explain it to him from the start and then Aurnia will know how much I've not told her, and then this ... this whole thing might end. ... Not quite the heroic confrontation I imagined.

Damn, I'm stupid.

[Kilian]

So, in case anyone was wondering, the triplets have taken to school like how a bird takes to flying. They think it's fun, so I guess my attempts to convince them otherwise have been met with failure. The teacher says that they're ahead of most children in the class, which is already much better than anything any teacher has said about me. It looks like they've made some friends too. Edara seems to be the leader of a group of girls, and Deirdre, which is ... pretty much what I expected. And I think Trevor's made at least one friend. I guess it's nice to see that other people like them too, even with me for an uncle~

[Filter: Private ; in Kilian]

That's the third time this week Neala's given that lecture to me. The "pull your head from the mist and concentrate" lecture. I mustn't be hiding it very well.

I need results. It's been too long since I've last reported something good to Desmund. And it's important that I do, soon. It's not just that he's Aurnia's father. A man's got his pride. Maybe I'm becoming a real researcher at last.

[Filter: Private ; Kilian]

Yes, Mother, Erin knows the triplets are ready for school.

She should be here. I can't believe no one has said that. She should be here to see her children trot off to school. Should have taught them to walk, should have taught them how to count and how to draw. Trying to save the world, she says. Yeah, that's going to make the kids feel warm at night. At least it sounds important. Imagine knowing your mother has missed your growing up from being a baby to a child because she was too occupied with, I don't know, Hanalan cookery.

Do they remember her face? Maybe she thinks them not recognising her from someone walking in the street is a fair trade for whatever she's doing. Maybe it is. It's not a trade I'd make.

[Kilian]

Well, I'm alive. It was hard, but I managed it. Maybe a little too well, I mean, what's going to stop the boss from asking me again? I guess it wasn't that bad. The meeting wasn't full of old men. There were old ladies! And some men my age. Not many girls, though. Maybe they had something better do, but hey, once they hear I attend to these meetings, they'll come by~

Yep, always the optimist, I am.

[Kilian]

You know, I think I may have been one of few people who got the triplets toys. At least, I'm fairly certain that this year, they got fewer toys than they usually do. Seems a shame, really. Oh well, I'll just keep giving them toys. Because I'm the best uncle ever.

Anyway, hope everyone has a good Festival. I'm going to take the triplets outside so they can all have a turn at flying Trevor's kite. The mist has even cleared up a little!

[Filter: Private ; Kilian]

Mothers.

I've changed, she said. What is that supposed to mean? I asked her that and she just looked at me. That look she gives me that's all Oh, you know the answer, Liam, you're not thinking hard enough. Maybe I just want to hear it from her.

She tells me I never used to work this hard before Erin left. I think she was expecting an answer, a reason. Well, that's too bad. Let me keep my secrets. I'm Kilian, it's what we do. She should be glad I'm keeping some at all. It makes me a normal person around here.

[Filter: Private ; Kilian]

Right, this letter.

I don't know what I'm going to do.

I just had to bring this on myself. I just couldn't shut my stupid mouth. Or pen. Whichever it is doesn't matter, this is my own dumb mess.

So, I have to write back. Change my handwriting a bit, because she's going to recognise mine. Or maybe she won't. Maybe she'll just assume that lots of people have my handwriting. She's not going to know whether the schools really love teaching every child in this country they can get their hands on to write the same way, right? Only ever being tutored from home, and everything. All right, don't change my handwriting. And just make small talk, er, writing. And answer any questions. And tell her that while you'd love to write more, research is a busy life and so on.

Yeah, that'll work.

[Filter: Private ; Kilian]

Great. Of course she's going to take you seriously, idiot. Aurnia wasn't kidding when she said she'd never laugh at me. She's incapable of being insincere, who would have thought?

I'm going to be the one who gets to write the reply back to her. Shove all the amusing correspondence to the most junior member of the group, that's how this place works. Maybe I should make sure I'm the one who writes back. Who knows what the others might write to her.